(This is a song about how sad I am
Just picture a depressed onion cutting himself.)
I met a homeless man named Rich
Isn’t that terrible
I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn’t have any legs
I saw a diabetic kid trick or treating
I saw a woman who had twelve miscarriages buy a carton of eggs
I saw an old man get hit by a train
He didn’t see it in the pouring rain
He didn’t hear me shout “look out for the train”
Cause i didn’t say it
(I just thought oh this is gonna be sad.)
I saw a man with only one eye in a 3d movie
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother’s corpse
I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped and he hung himself
I saw a kid with red hair
I went to a store looking for something to buy
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
No wait this store sells mirrors
See what I did there?
The world’s so fucking sad bro
Pain, starvation, Aids
But i gotta remember there are good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that is happening to me
Still though it’s hard not to be sad about it
How do y’all do it?
I’ve been telling you terribly sad things this whole song you haven’t been sad at all
Youve been laughing
Thats it, laughter, its the key to everything
Its the way to solve all the sadness in the world
I mean, not for people who are actually said, but for the people like us whove gotta fucking deal with em all the time
Being a comedian isnt being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, its being a hero!
The world isnt sad. The worlds funny! Yay!
I saw an old man slip and fall; what a fucking idiot
I saw a woman at her daughters funeral
Hahaha! Classic comedy!
Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now
The Holocaust and 9/11?
Hat shits funny 24/7 cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about, because my empathy is bumming me out
Goodbye sadness! Hello joy